


Execution Breakfast

by Igraine_smiley



Series: Our favourite demons + Aziraphale and Ryan [3]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Buzzfeed Unsolved References, Crossover, Demon Shane Madej, Demon!Shane, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 13:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igraine_smiley/pseuds/Igraine_smiley
Summary: "What are you doing here?" Crowley asked narrowing his eyes."Don't worry it's not a work visit" Beleth replied with a smile "Hell has been awfully boring lately so I decided to pay good old earth a visit. The last time I came here they were shooting arrows at each other""Well, now they are shooting bullets at each other so you didn't miss much" Crowley replied setting the glass aside.OrCrowley gets a visit from Hell.





	Execution Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> My Demon!Shane is inspired by [This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636144) fic by AjSpammin

Crowley was bored, really bored. He missed Aziraphale. I mean, he missed annoying Aziraphale, that was it. He definitely hadn't been cleaning the same glass for thirty minutes thinking about the angel. He was just a very hygienic sort of demon.

"Why all the moping, Crawly?" A voice took him out of his mind as a faint tang of sulphur filled the pub. Crowley recognised that mocking tone immediately.

"Huh? Beleth?" The demon asked looking up from the spotless tumbler in his hand.

"In the flesh" At the other side of the bar stood a tall man. Beleth always had that problem. He always miscalculated the height of his vessels or maybe he just liked to feel taller than the average human being.

"What are you doing here?" Crowley asked narrowing his eyes. He wasn't fond of surprise guests from Hell.

"Don't worry it's not a work visit" Beleth replied with a smile and took a seat at the bar "Hell has been awfully boring lately so I decided to pay good old earth a visit. The last time I came here they were shooting arrows at each other"

"Well, now they are shooting bullets at each other so you didn't miss much" Crowley replied setting the tumbler aside.

"Do you own a pub now? How demonic of you, Crawly" The prince of hell mocked taking a peek at the place.

"It's Crowley and It's a well oiled machine of soul corruption, of course you lot wouldn't understand something so sophisticated" He sneered. He was actually proud of the place. The green leather seats were the most uncomfortable furniture ever made and the tables were arranged like an elaborate maze making it impossible to walk to your table without dropping some of your drink.

"Then explain it, genius"

"Alcoholic drinks makes humans go stupid. They make ill-advised decisions, they gamble, fight, the whole package. Every time they come here they corrupt their soul and I barely have to move a finger"

"Nice" Beleth looked impressed "but you never answered my question, why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad" Crowley frowned behind his dark glasses. His bullshit meter was going sky high as his patience was wearing thin.

"You are!" The prince exclaimed "Is it because your little angel is not around? It's so pathetic"

"Is not that, you twat" Crowley blurted out. He probably shouldn't insult a prince of hell even though Beleth was relatively harmless. Crowley had always had the suspicion that the prince made the effort to rise through the ranks solely because it meant he'd have less work to do that way "and for your information I discorporated him, I actually do my job" He had discorporated the angel. Heaven was getting suspicious about the lack of animosity between them so Aziraphale came up with a plan. The angel proposed that the demon should 'kill' him. At first Crowley didn't wanted to do it but he knew that heaven was much more of a bigger threat to the angel than anything he could do to him. It still felt wrong. When did he stop wanting to hurt the angel? How did he get to that point? He was so screwed.

"Lies lead you to hell you know?" Beleth raised an eyebrow.

"Speaking of hell, don't you have work to do? Torturing souls? Bossing lesser demons around?" Crowley wanted the high ranking demon out of his hair.

"Don't be a killjoy! You know how tedious hell is! I can stir chaos here if you want, make heaven speed up sending him back. Make them feel pressured"

"And why would you do that?" He asked.

"Because I'm all heart" Suddenly the noise at the pub got louder and the stomping of shoes on the wooden floor cut their conversation short. The costumers ran towards the windows like some kind of herd "What are they doing?" The prince asked, eyes big as saucers.

"It's execution time" Crowley said matter-of-factly raising his voice above the echo of the bells. It was at least ironic that his pub was in front of a church.

"What?" Beleth asked looking at the rowdy crowd.

"When humans do something wrong others humans think they have the right to kill them in a horrible manner?" Crowley replied.

"I know what executions are, why are they crowding the windows?" The people started to cheer.

"They like to watch other humans being hanged to death? I don't know how they don't get sick of it. It's always the same: man, rope, death. Why do they find it interesting to being with?" Crowley turned to look for a glass of wine for himself because go.. Manchester knew he needed it but when he set the cup on the bar the prince was no where to be seen "Beleth?" 

The demon's yellow eyes scanned the crowd until he spotted the tall being plastered against the dusty windows. He was transfixed with the gruesome scene that was going on outside.

"That was the most exhilarating thing I've seen in a while" Beleth exclaimed as he dashed back to his seat "Do they do it often?"

"Yes, I have the best view actually" Crowley couldn't stop himself from bragging. Everyone and their mother knew Magpie & Stump had the best view of the executions.

"You should charge extra for the view, you know" Beleth suggested "Put more tables near the windows and serve them a nice execution breakfast" 

"An execution breakfast? A bit tacky, isn't it?" Crowley was a demon but he had taste.

"You were the one taking about the soul corruption machine" The prince whined "You charge money and promote avarice, give them some food, you have gluttony right there and they would be enjoying someone else suffering, wrath! I should be doing your job, I'm good at it!" Beleth finished his exposition smiling from ear to ear.

"Don't even think about it" Warned Crowley as he took a sip a wine.

"Don't be so touchy, are you going to do it?" The prince was really excited.

"I'll think about it, it's not a bad idea" 

"See I can be creative too, Crawly"

"It's Crowley" He hated that name. 

"Yes, I know" Beleth grinned. The bastard "You can take credit for the execution breakfast thing. I think hell will like it" They won't, they just didn't understand the craft.

"I'm not thanking you" said Crowley.

"What about a free pint?" That made the demon laugh and he served the prince some ale. They complained about hell's infernal bureaucracy for a while until the prince stood up again "I have to get going. Send your friend my regards"

"He is not my friend"

"Lies will lead you to hell, Crawly" Beleth shouted from the door. Tosser.

Less than a week later his... I mean the angel was back. It seemed heaven was getting efficient.

"Hello!" Aziraphale said "Heaven was really quick this time" The angel smiled from the place where Beleth sat a few days before.

"Aziraphale! You, you look nice... I mean the vessel, your new vessel looks nice" The demon stuttered getting lost in the angel's new freckles.

"Thank you, dear" Aziraphale replied and took a look around the pub "I see that you've been busy" the place was packed even the newly added tables next to the windows.

"Yes, lots of new costumers"

"Because of the execution breakfast?" Of course the angel wouldn't let that go. 

"It's my job, Angel" Crowley sighed.

"But execution breakfast? Really, dear? It's in really poor taste"

"It's great for sales" The demon nodded towards the new tables.

"Is this why heaven's been so rattled?" The angel looked puzzled "They were really worried up there, they said the demonic activity suddenly doubled"

"Ah... Yes, about that..."


End file.
